Geordies stuck in the land of 1996 - Andy Dunn, News Of The World.

AT every turn in this throwback of a city, you are reminded that it is unique.

"It's a very special club," said Kevin Keegan, working on the theory that if you repeat it often enough, sane people might actually start believing it.

"It is not a normal club. The Geordie fans have worked hard all week and they want to come and enjoy their football."

Because, of course, those layabouts from the East End doss around for a few days and then wander off to Upton Park not really bothered what is put in front of them.

And car plant workers from Liverpool just sit on their idle hands, waiting for their weekly outing to Anfield or Goodison where they are not bothered how their team plays football — they just want them to win.

"You don't understand," Keegan went on, slipping effortlessly into the patter that tickles every Geordie's black-and-white striped tummy. "And people outside the area never will."

Sentimental drivel.

It's a hoary old caricature that should be treated with the contempt it deserves.

All Scousers are funny, all Cockneys are spivs, all Scots are tight, all Welsh enjoy the company of sheep, all Geordies are the epitome of the true fan.

No. All Geordies are stuck in a football land that time forgot. The football land of 1996.

A land in which Arsenal had entered the brief, ill-advised and ill-fated Bruce Rioch era. A land in which Chelsea could finish no higher than 11th.

A land without Continental managers.

There were only two non-English bosses in the Premier League at the start of the 1995-96 season — Joe Kinnear and a yet-to-be-knighted Alex Ferguson.

And does anyone in their right mind seriously think that the level of sophistication, the level of athleticism, the level of tactical awareness has not risen dramatically enough to render Keegan's approach ineffective?

Anyone outside the deluded Geordie nation, that is?

Over a decade has passed and only Keegan's dress sense has stayed remotely the same.

These people ARE football-lovers. Just like Mancs, Scousers, Brummies and Londoners are.

And they DO deserve to see entertaining football. Just like Mancs, Scousers, Brummies and Londoners do.

But if Keegan loves this club so much, then jacking them up with a quick shot of gung-ho football should not be his aim.

Undeniably, Arsenal and Manchester United play the most attractive football in the Premier League, if not in Europe.

But their entertainment is based on a long-term philosophy laid down by two managers who don't consider quitting at the first sign of turbulence.

It is founded on a footballing mentality that is instilled in the youth teams and reserve teams — levels of football that Keegan appeared to consider worthless during his last tenure at St James' Park.

Earlier in the week, chairman Chris Mort spoke of the qualities they wanted from a new manager and they included developing a top-class youth set-up.

A few days later and he is sat on the podium next to Keegan, the man who did away with Newcastle reserves and employed Mark Lawrenson to coach the defence in an experiment which lasted all of four months.

This was clearly a Mike Ashley appointment. And unwittingly, Keegan let slip exactly what sort of owner Ashley is.

"I wanted to see the guy whose toy-set it was," said Keegan. Toy-set. Spot on.

Got the mansion, got the boat, got the plane. What next to amuse a bored billionaire?

What next to try and buy happiness? A decent shrink might see a psychological reason why Ashley mixes it with the masses out of whom he has made his obscene fortune by selling over-priced replica shirts.

And a decent shrink might not be wrong.

He's got all the tangibles enormous wealth can bring.

The great intangibles are being liked, adored, hero-worshipped.

In these parts, dragging Keegan away from a Mickey Mouse business venture and delivering him to the steps of St James' Park guarantees those.

He has bought the club on a whim and he has bought Keegan because his legion of new-found mates in the Quayside boozers asked him to.

"My round again, boys. What's it to be?"

"Mine's a King Kev, Mikey boy."

"No problem!"

Despite the fact that Keegan — for all his genius as a player and for all his coaching jobs — is a man who has never been besotted with football management like Fergie is, like Arsene Wenger is, like Rafa Benitez is.

Of course, he was given a Messiah's welcome yesterday.

Of course, he has lifted spirits.

But if these supporters really do believe that Keegan and Ashley are the saviours, then the man himself was right...this really is a place no outsider can ever understand.

I see Arthur Cox is coming back.

The thing is - and this is possibly slightly off topic, but there you go - Toon supporters want to be entertained to the extent that they speak with pride about the 4-3 defeat to Liverpool - not because we didn't want to win it, but none other than our team could have contributed to the most fantastic Prem game, EVER!

We are Newcastle United, we are the Geordies, and we are as good as anybody.

HOWAY THE LADS.